The Sexuality Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings enormous significance and repercussions.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready too).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to very hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, closeness, and well-being .

When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their Bonuses main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that numerous of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men especially in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Numerous gay men desire to discover from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".

North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can look what i found grow gradually.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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